Where did you go?
While this is intended for female partners, the core message is for all of us.
When I look back on all of the wonderful interactions in life, the people I have met and places I have been, I feel blessed. Let me share a few examples with you.
I reflect on the elderly woman in the grocery store, who needed help getting an item off the shelf and then told me about her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. She had a sparkle in her eye as I listened and asked questions about each, so she could proudly share just a bit more.
Then there was a woman similar to me who had been a young mother, now young grandparent and we shared funny stories of our children and new stories of our grandchildren. I will most likely not see these women again and each interaction brought a bit of unexpected joy into our hearts.
As a child our elementary class ventured down to an orphanage, where a classmate lived with his parents and siblings. They were missionaries who took in children and raised them with love. Their finances were meager, the play yard was dirt; they had few toys and even fewer changes of clothing. Yet, I remember the joy we all experienced together playing kickball in the dirt, having a simple lunch and exploring the grounds with the other children.
Contrast this as an adult, with a dear friend who emigrated with her parents from Ukraine having nothing more than their clothing. She married and they invested wisely. She was a multi-millionaire and she was the one who taught me to not pay full price for anything! She joined me in scrubbing my new kitchen, before unpacking my belongings when we moved in to our home. She never sugar coated her words; she was direct and spoke the full truth, always with my best interest in mind. Better the wounds of a friend than the kisses of an enemy! Our time together was precious and we always enjoyed each other.
Living briefly in another state, I had a patient who had a traumatic brain injury. He needed extra therapy at home and I was it. His parents were hard working people, his insurance exhausted and they had very little money to pay me. That didn’t deter me, these people may have not had much, but they did have joy in the midst of great heartache. I had many laughs together with them and fond memories of this family.
This work then prepared me for what was to come. Working with our Wounded Ill and Injured Marines, Sailors and Soldiers was an experience I will never forget. This is where I can honestly say that resilience, joy, celebration and successes through heartache were a regular occurrence. Having someone sitting in my office, sharing from the heart some of the frustrations because they “can’t come back” and then watching them go out in the fitness center and get it done, brought me joy and satisfaction. A few times upon request, I visited new arrivals to the hospital. They were severely wounded; bandaged, drugged and family members were holding back tears. I would share with them the possibilities of what programs were offered to them at the hospital. They were excited, facing forward, not stuck in today. Through difficult interaction, sadness in the room and being so humbled in their presence, there was still joy in the air.
No matter where you are; in the midst of strangers, with friends, at work, acquaintances or trusted family, please don’t isolate. Please find joy in the middle of the pain and the hard times.
Partners of sex addicts or intimacy anorexics keep the addict’s secret and in doing so, lose out on life. We are to be living life to the fullest, being a light wherever we are.
Ladies it is hard; in the beginning he loved bombed you and it felt so nice. All of your time and focus went his way and his attention yours. Then you both said vows to love honor and cherish. His mouth said “I do” his behaviors began to say “I don’t”. Then then you discover what is happening and his secrets and lies are now yours to hide as well.
You don’t have to hide all of you and you can stay connected with good support, still enjoying relationships that his behaviors do not touch. Stay in the game of life and don’t lose who you truly are. If you feel you have already lost the “you” that once was, do healing work, pray and begin reaching out. Make forward progress for your future.
As exampled in each of my above stories, wealth, power, position and physical appearance are temporary as they have nothing to do with real joy and peace. This comes from within and it can return if it has been lost. Pray and ask; the door to your healing will open.
You are beautiful, worthy and deserving of healing. It is your choice and your job to heal.
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